hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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