After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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