She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
