It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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