he wants to bone in the snuggie
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
