Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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