after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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