I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
