it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
