I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
