whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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