im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
