So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
love makes seman taste better
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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