the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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