we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
