I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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