hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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