When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
