my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
