This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
