after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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