I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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