you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
