flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
