Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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