note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
