You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
