Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
