I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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