I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
