Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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