do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
