We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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