My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
