Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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