I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize