we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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