Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
