There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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