I could make wine with my vomit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My ass is underappreciated
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What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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