Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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