I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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