I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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