I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
where are my eyebrows?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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