Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
