You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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