Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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