as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
