i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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