just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
