3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
