My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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