I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
