Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I want is dick and wine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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