everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
