If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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