Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
