My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
