so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
