just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
