even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
