So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.