Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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  (330): when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk http://tfl.nu/57qd
  Replies (7) Good night (1859) Bad night (2020)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (914) Bad night (3028)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (1288) Bad night (5060)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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  (620): The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices". http://tfl.nu/jiwo
  Replies (23) Good night (5090) Bad night (1321)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

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  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (6325) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"

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  (+61): I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer" http://tfl.nu/7qtl
  Replies (11) Good night (2848) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?

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  (631): Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes? http://tfl.nu/b80v
  Replies (6) Good night (2305) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  ...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.

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  (940): ...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere. http://tfl.nu/gwb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2474) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink

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  (716): Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink http://tfl.nu/hn0o
  Replies (7) Good night (777) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.

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  (780): I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities. http://tfl.nu/3c8w
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment

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  (608): Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment http://tfl.nu/9ful
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise

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  (253): I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise http://tfl.nu/l8ok
  Replies (4) Good night (753) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.

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  (+44): He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up. http://tfl.nu/t0cr
  Replies (1) Good night (1836) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.

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  (205): We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/2hud
  Replies (3) Good night (771) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome

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  (440): I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome http://tfl.nu/rv8w
  Replies (3) Good night (418) Bad night (318)

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