Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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  (917): apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money' http://tfl.nu/vf8t
  Replies (4) Good night (2161) Bad night (910)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.

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  (224): it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday. http://tfl.nu/m5qz
  Replies (11) Good night (793) Bad night (2695)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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  (405): there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how http://tfl.nu/0o4u
  Replies (10) Good night (3810) Bad night (729)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

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  (662): you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again http://tfl.nu/srv7
  Replies (21) Good night (6513) Bad night (764)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

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  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1997) Bad night (4686)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

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  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (6330) Bad night (1981)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

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  (513): He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit. http://tfl.nu/4hrv
  Replies (23) Good night (4424) Bad night (1031)
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  (483): View more from

  Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?

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  (483): Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she? http://tfl.nu/qpva
  Replies (7) Good night (1000) Bad night (1583)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.

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  (801): Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card. http://tfl.nu/l3ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1479) Bad night (703)
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  (510): View more from California

  Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...

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  (510): Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment... http://tfl.nu/cuqz
  Replies (5) Good night (948) Bad night (415)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.

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  (314): That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu. http://tfl.nu/ssef
  Replies (7) Good night (755) Bad night (496)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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  (928): So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time http://tfl.nu/6mpm
  Replies (5) Good night (1443) Bad night (361)
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  (707): View more from California

  Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.

  (425): View more from Washington

  I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.

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  (707): Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning. (425): I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation. http://tfl.nu/7xvm
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (438)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism

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  (813): Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism http://tfl.nu/7mxl
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (317)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.

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  (618): So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record. http://tfl.nu/cgr4
  Replies (0) Good night (693) Bad night (378)

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