I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight