I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
