Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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