I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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