I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
