ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
