Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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