Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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