I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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