I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
