I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We don't watch enough power rangers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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