On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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