bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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