Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
